Reflections Past and Present

Hello faithful family, friends, and followers, we pray that you had a special Christmas holiday and we were, once again, so thankful to be able to celebrate it together with dear family and friends. I struggle to find the words to express how wonderful it is to share each treasured holiday or special event this side of the accident.

Yet, as we approached Christmas this year I had all but forgotten the angst I held toward the holiday last year, that is, until I re-read my post Christmas entry from a year ago. I pray that you will indulge me in re-sharing my reflections from that time, but while rather lengthy, I believe they offer a clear reminder of the miracle of Joy’s on-going recovery, then and now. Here’s a portion of the post for 12/27/2024:

I’ve written before about my thoughts/anticipations of Christmas. The holiday seemed to occupy an inordinate amount of mental space for me from the earliest days of the accident. At first it was the question of whether we would even be celebrating Christmas together, would Joy live through those first agonizing hours and days, we just didn’t know.

As Joy stabilized and gained consciousness, she was paralyzed from the top of her head to the bottom of her foot on the right side. What was Christmas going to look like under those circumstances if that was a permanent condition of Joy’s recovery. We couldn’t live in our multi-story townhome, did I need to sell our house while still in Florida? Could/should we even make it back to Minnesota or would Joy’s needs best be met by staying in Florida as some medical staff were suggesting, a crushing thought that I did not allow myself to dwell on.

But then came the symmetrical smile and as time passed the move of her right toe, then foot, then leg. After what felt like eternity came the ever so slight movement of her right arm, the eventual twitch of her hand and finally, praise God, the willful movement of her fingers. While not able to communicate because of her tracheostomy, it appeared Joy recognized me and my excitement at the movement on her right side. I thought she understood things I was saying to her, including hopeful plans for our future, like the holidays we could look forward to. Little did I know at the time, that Joy could not understand most of what I was saying and didn’t even know I was her husband. As she shares now what she was thinking at the time, I was just this “nice man” who was always around and seemed to be watching out for her. It is just as well I didn’t know that at the time, because it would have tweaked Christmas angst even more.

However, with Joy’s Herculean efforts, God’s grace and mercy, and your faithful prayers and financial support, she gained strength and mobility enough, so that we were able to arrange for our return to Minnesota and the initial weeks of inpatient rehabilitation at Abbott Courage Kenny. Thankfully, a few days before our return, Joy recognized who I was and what we were attempting to accomplish in getting her home. But again, my thoughts would race forward at each of these stages and try to picture what the holidays and Christmas would look like this year.

While all of Joy’s recovery accomplishments have been extraordinary, her physical gains were exceptional which allowed us to not only return to our home, but for her to manage the stairs to our upstairs level. She still needed considerable assistance. She walked with the help of a walker and needed help navigating times in the bathroom. We were constantly considering, “Ok, if we go here, is there going to be a family restroom we can use?” Thoughts of potential travel attempts, including Christmas travel, were overshadowed by these physical concerns and limitations.

The cognitive challenges weighed more heavily on Joy. At the time we returned to our home Joy could say her name and my name, but could not read them and while recognizing faces of family and friends, she could not say the names of our children, grandsons, her mother, siblings, and/or her closest friends. While we were so thankful to have her home, she grieved, frequently through tears, the fact that she could not recall names of those closest to her and I knew this would weigh heavily on her if that condition remained as we moved toward family/friend centric holidays.

Yet, with Joy’s dogged determination and by God’s grace and your prayers, often again through tears, Joy faithfully copied the names of our children and then of family and of friends. Over and over working to write and be able to remember and say each name. It was anguishing work for her, but she stayed faithful and as name recognition started to come, so did other words and the ability to start to read basic text. We faithfully practiced the alphabet, vowel sounds, and basic reading and writing exercises. Despite the frequent frustrations and discouragement for Joy, she did not give up and because of her faithful efforts she continued to grow.

However, as I wrote about recently, I had wondered about our Christmas traditions. Would Joy remember? She had a system, she knew exactly where she wanted things and what she wanted to do for decorating and celebrating, for baking, gathering, and gift giving. How, with her severely wounded brain, was this going to go. Well, Joy rallied to the occasion! Not only rallied, but we experienced her beautiful spirit through a wonderfully, “normal” Christmas. Joy truly exemplified the “joy” of Christmas, of hope, rebirth, and of “glory to God in the highest.” She decorated, she baked, she celebrated with our family, giving each of us the most precious Christmas present we could have ever received - she gave us herself.

Well, once again this year, Joy definitely “gave us herself” and was the joy of the holiday for our family and dear friends. Living in the reality of our “new normal” can still bring tears when Joy struggles for words, struggles to understand things, struggles to remember things or does remember, but of how different it used to be for her. Yet, at the same time, we frequently reflect to each other how thankful we are to have the life we can share together, a life so much richer than we ever imagined just after the accident. And so we continue to live in our contrasting realities - contrasts just like we saw as we read from Habakkuk this past week:

Though the fig tree does not blossom,

and no fruit is on the vines;

though the produce of the olive fails,

and the fields yield no food;

though the flock is cut off from the fold,

and there is no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD;

I will exult in the God of my salvation.

GOD, the Lord, is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

and makes me tread upon the heights. Hab 3:17-19

We want to wish you all a very safe and happy new year and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your faithful support, prayers, and encouragement and for traveling with us as we launch on this new year’s adventure together.