Amazing Joy Amazing Grace

Hello faithful family, friends, and followers and welcome to this latest edition of our “new normal” life. At the time I published last week’s post, I had no idea of the events that would unfold shortly thereafter, but which proved to be a new and unexpected adventure and blessing in the lives of Joy, her mother, and our family.

As we’ve shared previously, Joy’s mother is 98 years old and to date has done remarkable well for her age. Her mind is strong and bright, but in recent days, her body, shall we say, has been feeling more like its age. Ruth is in an assisted living facility and is on palliative care, but has been managing well with the services provided. However, after Joy talked with her brother last Thursday, she came to me and said she would like to visit her mom and to actually stay with her for some period of time.

She had clearly been thinking this through very thoroughly including what she would need to pack and what food she would like to take so she could prepare things for her mom and herself. While Joy has started to do some baking, I still do all the cooking and shopping and so this was a big and courageous step for Joy.

We have not been apart since the accident and Joy can feel considerable anxiety at times when struggling to process information on her own because of her ongoing challenges with aphasia and other cognitive deficits. I was so proud of her compassion and courage in wanting to be there for her mom and her needs. Prior to the accident Joy would routinely drive down to her mom’s about every four to six weeks, sometimes just for a day trip, sometimes staying a day or two. I know this is one area where Joy most acutely feels her limitations since the accident and so I wanted to help her have this time with her mom and knew it would mean so much to both of them. Joy thought hard and carefully to gather all the things she needed for the trip.

We left Friday morning and drove to her mother’s assisted living in northeastern Iowa. Ruth was clearly physically weaker than when we had seen her last, but was obviously excited and pleased to see Joy. I have to admit, as much as I wanted to support Joy in this, it was still difficult to leave her there on her own. You’ve heard of helicopter parents, well I think I’ve probably been a helicopter spouse since the accident, so while the thought of checking into a motel down the road did cross my mind, I made my way back to Minneapolis Friday evening.

As you can probably expect, Joy not only rose to the occasion but excelled. She helped in her mom’s personal care with tender and compassionate acts of kindness, she fixed meals, did laundry, and provided much appreciated mother/daughter time. To make things even more special, our Alyx decided to drive down for the afternoon on Sunday to spend it with mom and grandma, which was a treasured time for all. And, since Joy reads the New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs portions of her daily Bible reading out loud to me each evening, we continued that practice after Joy had her mother settled for the night.

Joy communicated closely with her bother and sister-in-law who live near Ruth and who provide for any of her needs not included in the facility's services. They shared ideas for Ruth’s on-going care and communicated those needs and their desires to the facility and palliative care staff. Joy stayed for five days and four nights and from all reports, “a good time was had by all.” When I arrived to pick Joy up on Tuesday, Ruth appeared markedly stronger than when I had visited just days before. Clearly “nurse Joy” was good medicine for Ruth, for herself, and for me.

Despite her physical and cognitive challenges in life after the accident, Joy exhibits a beautiful grace filled compassion for all those she meets, it drives her, empowers her, and richly blesses those who receive it. While Joy is very kind, she is also quiet and introverted, so for all her wonderful qualities, I probably would not have used “charismatic” to describe her, until I read the following by Frederick Buechner who writes:

Most of the time when we say people are charismatic, we mean simply that they have presence. Even if you don’t see such people enter a room, you can feel them enter. They shimmer the air like a hot asphalt road. Without so much as raising a finger, they make you sit up and take notice.

On the other hand, if you took Mother Teresa, or Francis of Assisi, or Mahatma Gandhi, or the man who risked his neck smuggling Jews out of Nazi Germany, and dressed them up to look like everybody else, nobody would probably notice them any more than they would the woman who can make your day just by dropping by to borrow your steam iron, or the high school commencement speaker who without any eloquence or special intelligence can bring tears to your eyes, or the people who can quiet an hysterical child, or stop somebody’s cracking headache just by touching them with their hands. These are the true charismatics, from the Greek word charis meaning ‘grace’.

According to Saint Paul, out of sheer graciousness God gives certain men and women extraordinary gifts or charismata such as the ability to heal, to teach, to perform acts of mercy, to work miracles. These people are not apt to have presence, and you don’t feel any special vibrations when they enter a room. But they are all in their own ways miracle-workers, and even if you don’t believe in the God who made them that way, you believe in them.

So clearly, Joy, by this description, is a real charismatic, tireless in her “acts of mercy” as she lives out “grace” personified. And I and all who experience that charisma are truly blessed by it.

We both want to thank you again for your interest and presence here, and our prayer is that you may experience God’s matchless grace and mercy in a new and special way this week. 🙏🏻