A Holiday Bursting with Gratefulness

Hello faithful family, friends, and followers. Today, Friday the 27th, is the ten month anniversary of the accident and I’m finding it difficult to coherently express the swirl and swell of emotions that make my heart feel like it could burst with memories, reflections, thankfulness, and gratitude. Throughout the past week of a wonderful time celebrating Christmas with our children and grandsons and then with Joy’s mom, brother, and sister-in-law, we both found ourselves struggling to know how to articulate the deep, deep heartfelt emotions which often led to tears of joy, not because the holiday was some sort of Norman Rockwell iconic experience, but more because of the “normalcy” that in so many precious ways we never, never thought imaginable ten months ago.

I’ve written before about my thoughts/anticipations of Christmas this year. The holiday seemed to occupy an inordinate amount of mental space for me from the earliest days of the accident. At first it was the question of whether we would even be celebrating Christmas together, would Joy live through those first agonizing hours and days, we just didn’t know.

As Joy stabilized and gained consciousness, she was paralyzed from the top of her head to the bottom of her foot on the right side. What was Christmas going to look like under those circumstances if that was a permanent condition of Joy’s recovery. We couldn’t live in our multi-story townhome, did I need to sell our house while still in Florida? Could/should we even make it back to Minnesota or would Joy’s needs best be met by staying in Florida as some medical staff were suggesting, a crushing thought that I did not allow myself to dwell on.

But then came the symmetrical smile and as time passed the move of her right toe, then foot, then leg. After what felt like eternity came the ever so slight movement of her right arm, the eventual twitch of her hand and finally, praise God, the willful movement of her fingers. While not able to communicate because of her tracheostomy, it appeared Joy recognized me and my excitement at the movement on her right side. I thought she understood things I was saying to her, including hopeful plans for our future, like the holidays we could look forward to. Little did I know at the time, that Joy could not comprehend most of what I was saying and didn’t even know I was her husband. As she shares now about what she was thinking at the time, I was just this “nice man” who was always around and seemed to be watching out for her. It is just as well I didn’t know that then, because it would have just tweaked Christmas angst all the more.

However, with Joy’s Herculean efforts, God’s grace and mercy, and your faithful prayers and financial support, she gained strength and mobility enough, that we were able to arrange for our Medflight return to Minnesota and the initial weeks of inpatient rehabilitation at Abbott Courage Kenny. Thankfully, a few days before our return, Joy recognized who I was and what we were attempting to accomplish in getting her home. But again, my thoughts would race forward at each of these stages and try to picture what the holidays and Christmas would look like this year.

While all of Joy’s recovery accomplishments have been extraordinary, her physical gains were exceptional which allowed us to not only return to our home, but for her to manage the stairs both up and down in our townhome. She still needed considerable assistance. She walked with the help of a walker and needed help navigating times in the bathroom. We were constantly considering, “Ok, if we go here, is there going to be a family restroom we can use?” Thoughts of potential travel attempts, including holiday travel, were overshadowed by these physical concerns and limitations.

The cognitive challenges weighed more heavily on Joy. At the time we returned to our home Joy could say her name and my name, but could not read them and while recognizing faces of family and friends, she could not say the names of our children, grandsons, her mother, siblings, and/or her closest friends. While we were so thankful to have her home, she grieved, frequently through tears, the fact that she could not recall names of those closest to her and I knew this would weigh heavily on her if that condition remained as we moved toward family/friend centric holidays.

Yet, with Joy’s dogged determination and by God’s grace and your prayers, often again through tears, Joy faithfully copied the names of our children and then of family and of friends. Over and over working to write and be able to remember and say each name. It was anguishing work for her, but she stayed faithful and as name recognition started to come, so did other words and the ability to start to read basic text. We faithfully practiced the alphabet, vowel sounds, and basic reading and writing exercises. Despite the frequent frustrations and discouragement for Joy, she did not give up and because of her faithful efforts she continued to grow.

However, as I wrote about recently, I continued to wonder about our Christmas traditions. Would Joy remember? She had a system, she knew exactly where she wanted things and what she wanted to do for decorating and celebrating, for baking, gathering, and gift giving. How, with her severely wounded brain, was this going to go? Well, Joy rallied to the occasion! Not only rallied, but we experienced her beautiful spirit through a wonderfully, “normal” Christmas. Joy truly exemplified the “joy” of Christmas, of hope, rebirth, and of “glory to God in the highest.” She decorated, she baked, she celebrated with our family, giving each of us the most precious Christmas present we could have ever received - she gave us herself.

Last week under the “Reflections” section of our blog, I posted a summary of Dallas Willard’s book, “Life Without Lack,” which was literally a life and sanity saving preparation for me in what we faced on February 27th. It explores the all sufficiency of God to meet ALL our needs in ALL circumstances. This Christmas demonstrated to me once again, in addition to the myriad of miracles along the way, the sufficiency of God to meet and exceed all our expectations and needs.

I mentioned at the outset, my struggle with expressing the overwhelming swell of emotional reflections I’ve felt this Christmas and one of the most important and yet challenging to express, without sounding cliche, is my heartfelt desire to encourage each of you to be thankful for any and every thing you take for granted right now. Ten months ago, our lives changed forever in ways we never imaged. Words cannot express the wonder and awe we feel at the miracles we have experienced over the past ten months, but oh that we could have appreciated so much more, all the wonderful aspects of our life before the accident.

At present, Joy remains blind to the upper right side and while having gained huge ground in language recognition and comprehension, she is still at about a 3rd to 6th grade level of understanding. My brilliant wife, who holds a master’s degree, is now reading children’s chapter books, a great accomplishment, but as she says, “its one thing to have that as an accomplishment when you are 10 or 11, it’s quite another thing to have that be an accomplishment at 69.” So in my clumsy way, I am encouraging each of you to consider the next time you check a text, read a news article, watch your favorite show, or are able to hug and have a conversation with a friend or family member, to please, please take a moment to understand you are experiencing a miracle right then and there, and to take that opportunity to say, “Thank you God!” Because we know first hand that so much of what we took for granted changed forever with one step off a curb.

As we’ve said so many times before, your faithful interest, prayers, support, and encouragement have carried us over these last ten months and you, yes you, are all a very real part of the miracles that we thank God for each and every day. We want to wish you a safe and blessed new year and look forward to having you travel with us as we embark on all God has for us in the days, months, and years ahead.